The mentoring relationship is a mutual relationship designed to establish and achieve specific well-defined goals.

These goals are connected to developing the ability to know, think, and perform.

The ultimate purpose and design of mentoring is to create a relationship that nurtures learning. One of the key components required to achieve this kind of relationship is responsibility.

When mentored, a learner takes responsibility for the priorities, learning, and resources for achieving a capacity for self-direction. The idea expresses moving “from dependence to independence to interdependence” (Lois Zachary, The Mentor’s Guide, Facilitating Effective Learning Relationships, 3).

A number of elements are also essential for a learning-centered mentoring program: reciprocity, learning, relationship, partnership, collaboration, mutually defined goals, and development.

The design of each of these elements is to promote stronger relationships that motivate, inspire, and contribute to development and growth. This relationship is collaborative and channeled to achieve a support system of success. The mutuality in mentoring increases the viability of the desired purpose in the relationship.

For more information on developing mentoring relationships, read Zachary’s book.

In the 2013 documentary, “Inside Chipotle,” a very important area regarding leadership was highlighted. Managers in the company are promoted on the bases of how they develop leaders among their employees.

The concept of leaders developing leaders is a highly known principle in most all leadership materials. John Maxwell states, “To grow, lead followers. To multiply, lead leaders.” This is why the need for mentors is an important part of this week’s posts.

Instead of being consumed with the fear of being out-performed, shown-up, or otherwise replaced, imagine the development of a company where leaders were constantly grooming others to lead.

Imagine the growth that would occur within the church.

How amazing would it be for spiritual leaders to consider the benefit involved in developing other leaders?

Biblically, this principle is emphasized in several places. Jesus demonstrated this in developing the apostles for the task of evangelizing the world.

Paul instructs older men to set an example of a godly life and older women to teach younger women matters of the home.

We influence others everyday. Let us mentor them to lead.

“No matter what stage of development, we need spiritual companions – mentors and guides, friends and peers along the journey – in order to flourish over a lifetime of godly service” (Reese and Loane, Deep Mentoring, 179).

The need for mentoring should be obvious. Where we begin today is based on the nature of Jesus’ mentoring as it unfolds in the gospel of Matthew. Reading Matthew indicates an interesting word: behold. Matthew wants the reader to pay attention and observe. The genealogical record, activity of angels, fulfillment of prophecy, and the involvement of dreams are all significant to the claim of Jesus as the Christ.

Several terms used to describe the involvement of Jesus as the Christ include: shepherd, ruler, king, light, and healer.

However, the key is built upon the name, Immanuel––God with us, the powerful nature of His presence. The true nature of mentoring involves being present. If God left the glory of heaven to be with us––to shepherd, rule, provide light and heal––then we should also recognize that mentoring necessitates our being present and involved in the lives of those mentored.

Information about mentoring is unlimited. Several approaches to mentoring indicate a number of options available for consideration.

In the days ahead we want to explore several areas related to the concept of mentoring and how mentoring can achieve the second half of the Great Commission: “teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.”

Mentoring usually involves an experienced and trusted advisor who trains and counsels someone else. The mentoring relationship may extend any where from a few days to a few years depending on the nature and purpose of the relationship.

As a spiritual influence in the lives of others, we all want to pursue ways we can mentor someone in developing maturity in their faith.

The approach to mentoring we want to consider is based on ways Jesus mentored the disciples.

As we explore these areas, please examine ways to get involved in mentoring others, and seek someone who can be a mentor to you.

Before we examine more fully this relationship, take a moment to pray about someone who can be a mentor and pray for someone we can mentor.

I’ve learned over the years that criticizing others for how they approach the development of their home does not usually yield positive results.

Everyone seems to have their “own” way of doing things. Sadly, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Perhaps the biggest challenge exists when we do not recognize it is not working until it is too late.

Remember, children learn by observation, probably better than we do as adults. When children witness parents criticizing each other, other people, or the child, then they grow up believing that the standard for how to live in the home is critical in nature.

The result often leaves an atmosphere of competition, always striving to be better than someone else in order to avoid being criticized.

In order to prevent this from developing in our homes, we need to stop and think about what we say before we say it. We may need to apologize to our children for how we have criticized them or others in the past. Above all, we must strive to set a more positive tone for the future.

“Do as I say, not as I do.” Jesus rebuked the Pharisees for their hypocrisy of saying things and not doing them.

One of the greatest forms of hypocrisy in the home exists when parents tell their children to live a certain way, yet not live by the same standard themselves.

We are not saying that parents need to be perfect, regardless of the standard under consideration. However, there needs to be consistency.

Children already push the limits as close to the line as possible and measure every action by the consistency of parental guidance.

As challenging as parenting is for anyone, the best place to lead our children in establishing a standard to guide their lives throughout life is found in the home. Here is where the foundation must be laid.

We must develop a consistency in approaching the way the standard is lived in the home.

When we fail to live up to the standard: admit it, apologize, and make restitution. Do not excuse it…ever!

Seek ways to help our children understand the purpose behind the standard.

“What parents excuse in moderation, children will abuse in excess” (Brett Petrillo). The home is the place where leadership begins.

The hearts and minds of our children are sculpted from a very young age. Our influence is far greater than we can imagine, perhaps until we see and hear the expressions of our influence expressed in the lives of our children.

Because this is true, as parents we need to give serious consideration to the words and activities expressed in our own lives.

This post is not for the purpose of proclaiming what is right or wrong. Rather, the purpose is to share a perspective of an individual who has seen it in his own children and now observing it through them in his grandchildren.

We need to set the kind of standard within our home we are comfortable with seeing our children live out in excess. We face enough challenges in battling the worldly influence surrounding us. Why take a chance on setting an example that questions the biblical precedence of a godly man or woman?

Use the home as a refuge that is sanctified by the teachings of God’s word.

The greatest opportunities for influence occur within the confines of the four walls where we live.

What we need to consider, however, involves several areas of critical significance.

I am sure we all pray for our children every day. As I thought about the idea of leadership in the home and the influence we have on our children, it seemed fitting to share a few thoughts.

From the time children arise in the morning to the time they lay their heads down to sleep, teaching moments are everywhere.

The air that we breathe, the food we eat, the opportunity to see the sunrise, the ability to move our fingers and toes, witnessing God’s creation come to life, and hundreds more, are all moments to teach our children about the existence of God and His love for us.

Leadership in the home must lay this foundation, but it certainly includes more than teaching them about God, as we will consider in the days ahead, but these moments furnish a powerful place to start.

As we pray for children, let us also take appropriate action to lead them.

One of the greatest challenges to every leader involves making decisions. When leaders are indecisive their leadership is called into question by followers.

Leaders need to know the causes of indecisiveness to overcome the challenges it brings.

Fear: fear of making the wrong decision, fear of the unknown, and fear of failure are leading causes of indecisiveness.

Trust: leaders who lack trust in their own abilities and the abilities of others are often uncertain or debilitated in making decisions.

Procrastination: the mindset of “why do today, what you can put off until tomorrow” leads to indecisiveness because making a decision lacks urgency.

Remember, decisions must be made and our fears, lack of trust, or the tendency to procrastinate will not change the facts.

What can be done to help leaders overcome the challenges of indecisiveness?

Take time to do some research and gather all the facts to make an informed decision.
Making a list of pros and cons for each decision and pray about it.
Trust the instincts.
Establish a backup plan as a precaution.
Make the decision.

How does the past influence the direction of our current mindset and goals for the future?

We are all shaped in one way or another by the events of the past. These take the form of past teaching, experience, and influence. Each of these categories are either positive and negative as we consider the shaping nature of the past.

Paul was an apostle whose past molded his character in a way that God used to provide an example for the whole of Christianity. His family heritage, academic credentials, knowledge of Old Testament scripture, and zealous attack against the church all left a mark he did not forget.

However, he did not allow the past to dictate the direction of his future. Paul’s focus was now spiritually designed and heavenly directed.

We cannot relive the past, and we cannot change the past. As leaders, we must learn from the past in order to prevent repeating areas that hinder our Christian example.

The challenges of yesterday need to be left in the past and redirect our attention with a spiritual and heavenly focus.